there isn’t much 
to look forward to

and if i sit very still 
and pick at the dirt beneath my nails

there isn’t much 
to look back on, either.

only the small dead things:

a hand once held 
a door once opened
a voice that spoke sweetly to me

then 

severed. 

how strange 
to cut a thing away
and find no scar.

if it was real
it would have stayed. 

wouldn’t it?

the things that once thrilled me
have gone dull at the edges,

their sharp little teeth
filed down by time. 

nostalgia

then longing 

then 

mourning. 

this morning 
i wore my determination 
like a clean white shirt.

by evening 
it was stained through. 

tomorrow
i’ll wear it again.

again.

again.

again. 

and somehow
i am here. 

before, 
when i lost my way,

i only had to look west 

to catch my bearings.

the ocean, 

gray mouth
churning. 

but it doesn’t open for me anymore.

and here

the valley whispers.

the hills lean closer.

the trees hold their breath. 

and the cicadas 

scream

as if something underneath
the earth

is trying
to get out.

i claw at the earth
until dirt packs 
beneath my nails.

i wonder 
if it is me.

I wish I could return to the days of childhood,
When innocence was precious and happiness came naturally.
To live those little moments without the weight of burdens,
And grow into adolescence with a heart full of curiosity.
I wish I could embrace the days of adolescence,
When every little thing felt like a mystery,
When curiosity was greater than fear,
And dreams mattered more than responsibilities.
But somewhere along the way,
Those fleeting moments disappeared,
Replaced by worries I was never prepared to carry.
I wish I could relive my college days,
Surrounded by friends, laughter, and endless conversations,
Creating memories that time could never erase,
Learning to be bold, confident, and free.
Instead of spending lonely days wondering
Where my next source of income would come from,
And how much more I needed to earn
Just to build the life I dreamed of.
I wish I could count the blessings of my elders and parents,
To see them beside me, to hear their voices,
To feel their love surrounding me
And find comfort in their presence.
For some blessings are understood
Only when we begin to miss them.
I wish I could follow my passions and dreams,
With my family's support lighting the way,
With wings strong enough to carry me forward,
Without being held back by fear,
Or hurting myself while trying to prove my worth.
I wish I could become the person I admire the most,
To love without living in constant fear of loss,
To hold someone dear without forgetting myself,
And to understand that love should never
Require me to abandon who I am.
I wish I could pursue my greatest ambitions,
Without the fear of being judged by others,
Without allowing their opinions to become my prison,
And without letting my own doubts
Keep me from becoming who I am meant to be.
I wish I could become a leader,
Not merely someone who holds a position,
But someone who inspires others to rise,
Who leads with kindness and understanding,
And finds satisfaction in helping others shine.
I wish I could become a parent someday,
And build a family of love and understanding,
A home where kindness is freely given,
Where dreams are encouraged rather than silenced,
And where my children grow up happily,
Knowing they are loved just as they are.
And perhaps, as I count all these blessings,
I will begin to understand something new:
Life may not give me every moment I wish for,
Nor every person I long to keep,
Nor every dream in the way I imagined.
But perhaps the blessing is not just in what I have lost,
Or in everything I wish I could have had,
But in finding the courage to live,
To love, to grow, and to begin again.
So, let me count my blessings—
Not only for the life I wish I had,
But also for the life I still have the chance to create.

The night comes unnoticed.
Dark consumes all feelings.
And you're like trapped beast,
Panicked, cowering in a corner.

The numbness you feel,
Interrupted by trembling,
And a blood-curdling fear
Strain heart by a racing.

Your hands getting cold,
But there's heat under skin,
Yet you just don't notice it,
Feeling space getting odd.

Some wraith stands opposite,
Looking through unreal eyes.
Staring back, you understand
That no one will help.

When your pain has gone quiet,
and the tears you wept have dried…
has our silence
already killed the heart?

A soul-less body,
                          Broken byes,
Screaming in agony,
                          Loosing lives,
        Broke many promises,
                    So selfish,
                 A fallen angel,
                   So deprived, 

Your tone is not the same,
 Like two bodies in one frame,
                   Evil angel,
             What a divine,

Saw you like a shadow in the foggy woods,
A signature of you fading in yhe breezy woods,
You never felt and will never feel sorry of what you did
           A betrayel,
        Your birth-mark,
I should have checked the signs,
Everything was true,line by lines,
You were slowely changin' just 'fore of what you did,
          A false guide,
         Your bloodline,
Everything made sense time by times,