We used to be three
Never leaving our tree
Then one day she came along 
Now I'm made to stay alone 

I thought we were cool
I thought we were friends 
But now I've got loads of enemies 
Some of them used to be my friends

Now I'm a total stranger 
Someone they want to strangle 
What can I do to be loved
Cos I really want to resolve 

I thought I was the princess 
Only to find out I'm the excess
I hate to go over this again 😥😥
But I really lost the game 🎯

I’m trapped, but please don’t free me,
I beg you to release the chains,
But’ll hate you if you let them drop,
It’s a prison of my own making,
One that I don’t want to leave

The moment I feel pain, I wash it away,
Sorrow and concern fade into the day,
Not a moment to myself,
I pull bottled distraction off of the shelf

I hate how I feel, avoiding what’s real,
Running and ignoring is the only way to deal,
Blue light rots my eyes,
Dastardly bright, forming what I despise,

Liquid lies, formed inside,
Breaking ties, killing pride,
Friends of mine, lost in stride,

If only there were to be a way out,
An off button to shut it all down,
I know there is, my mind shouts,
But I’d do anything not to have the shame around

You see, it’s not a prison, there are no guards,
There are no chains or records marred,
It’s the life I built,
Brick by brick,

It’s the parts I’ve killed,
Hit by hit,

There is no freedom from the sun,
Beams, so fast that you can’t run,

It will always chase you down,
Ruthless rays, you will be found,

Whatever you lift the highest,
Will always shine the brightest,
Whether darkness or light,
It’ll shine across your life

It becomes not a prison, but your world,
The pitch of your idols unfurled,
Worshipping your captor,
Wishing and waiting for final rapture

In the twenty-three years I have lived,
I have seen what pain can do to a man.
I have seen what jealousy can destroy,
what betrayal can steal,
and what silence can say
when words are no longer enough.
I have watched people promise forever
with the same mouths
they would later use to say goodbye.
I have seen hands that once held each other tenderly
become strangers,
and hearts that once beat in unison
learn to survive at different rhythms.
I have seen love.
Or perhaps, I have only seen
what people are willing to call love.
Because the older I grow,
the less certain I become
that I understand this thing at all.
And today,
I want to talk about it.

Not the love they put in songs,
nor the kind they sell in movies,
where two people find each other,
overcome a few obstacles,
and live happily ever after.
I want to talk about the love that stays
long after happiness has left.
The love that sits beside you in silence
while your mind begs you to walk away.
The love that knows every reason to leave
yet searches desperately for one reason to stay.
I want to talk about the love
that makes a fool of an intelligent man,
that turns certainty into questions,
strength into vulnerability,
and pride into a prayer whispered
to a God who may already know the answer.
Because somewhere along the way,
we have made love too beautiful to be understood.
We have dressed it in flowers,
perfumed it with promises,
and convinced ourselves
that if it hurts, it must be meaningful;
if it lasts, it must be true;
and if we cannot let go,
then perhaps we were never meant to.
But I have begun to wonder


whether our hearts are wiser than we think
or simply better at lying to us.
They say love is a feeling.
But feelings change.
The sun rises and sets.
Seasons abandon the trees they once adorned.
The same sky that welcomes the morning
eventually swallows the light.
And if love were merely a feeling,
what would remain when the feeling disappeared?
Perhaps love is a decision.
Perhaps it is sacrifice.
Perhaps it is the quiet determination
to choose another person
even on the days when choosing them
costs you something.
But even that explanation feels incomplete.
Because how do you explain the person
who has hurt you repeatedly,
yet whose happiness still matters to you?
How do you explain the anger
that rises in your chest
when you remember what they did,
followed by the unbearable tenderness

In search of love, or what?
Can we expect that love exists too?
Deep down, I’m afraid of everything lately,
Because the love that forms in a family, and from a family,
I never got the chance to experience,
Whereas the love from the ones I loved always left me
Confused, or stranded midway.
Can we expect that I exist too?
Throughout the journey of life,
I have been lagging behind,
As there were no friends, no brothers, no sisters,
No best friends, and nothing else.
Can we expect that God exists too?
Because since the day I was born, I have felt
Left behind as an option, as a choice,
Where I met people, but not for long,
Where I got opportunities, but only as a choice,
Where I am with the person I adore deeply, and yet
That person is not forever.
Can we expect that human life is beautiful too?
Because as far as I know, life is about suffering
Rather than being memorable and enjoyable,
Because as far as I know, life is about expecting
Rather than making things happen in reality.
Why is the world cruel to me?
Why is the planet so mean to me?
Why does the earth not feel like home to me?
Am I being left alone?
Am I really optional?
I don’t want to encounter anyone in life again.
I don’t want to form an attachment with anyone again.
I don’t want to make memories again.
I don’t want to walk through life again the way I did before.