In search of love, or what?

In search of love, or what?
Can we expect that love exists too?
Deep down, I’m afraid of everything lately,
Because the love that forms in a family, and from a family,
I never got the chance to experience,
Whereas the love from the ones I loved always left me
Confused, or stranded midway.
Can we expect that I exist too?
Throughout the journey of life,
I have been lagging behind,
As there were no friends, no brothers, no sisters,
No best friends, and nothing else.
Can we expect that God exists too?
Because since the day I was born, I have felt
Left behind as an option, as a choice,
Where I met people, but not for long,
Where I got opportunities, but only as a choice,
Where I am with the person I adore deeply, and yet
That person is not forever.
Can we expect that human life is beautiful too?
Because as far as I know, life is about suffering
Rather than being memorable and enjoyable,
Because as far as I know, life is about expecting
Rather than making things happen in reality.
Why is the world cruel to me?
Why is the planet so mean to me?
Why does the earth not feel like home to me?
Am I being left alone?
Am I really optional?
I don’t want to encounter anyone in life again.
I don’t want to form an attachment with anyone again.
I don’t want to make memories again.
I don’t want to walk through life again the way I did before.